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Cloud computing suffers a major blow

1st April 2014
By Katy Alexander

We have snow idea what is going on….

An Arctic chill swept through the computing world today when experts from our technology team at Digital Science unveiled new satellite images proving that the computing cloud is drifting towards the North Pole.

A spokesperson from The Cloud and Climate Monitoring Institute agreed that global warming and the changes thus caused in the Jet Stream pose a danger to “the cloud.” Further disturbing reports are emerging about problems being created by unidentified data objects (UDOs) saturating “the cloud.” This saturation could possibly result in difficulties with data storage.

Professor Alto Wolke of The Alpine Institute for Meteorological Research elaborates on the problem, whereby the Jet Stream and the Gulf Stream interact causing boson condensate within the cloud:

The bosons decay into two muons. These muons interact with the Earth’s magnetic North Pole, producing a phenomenon similar to the aurora borealis (Northern Lights), aptly named the Northern Bytes.

The Northern Bytes produce an interference pattern similar to white noise; white noise is known to computer scientists as “snow.” This winter has been the coldest on record in North America and has been the wettest for UK – this combination creates the perfect conditions for the Northern Bytes.

Cloud

From Professor Alto Wolke’s original lecture notes on cloud disruption 

In global terms, the consequences could be serious, although there is no threat to Digital Science’s cloud facility products. These remain unaffected by this type of disruption, having been designed to overcome such cloud-based risks. Figshare, for example, offers digital object identifiers (DOIs) for all scientific data.

We hope that you are all backing up your scientific data; it sounds as if this could become a “cirrus” problem!

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